Age;

It changes everything.

Like when you go out for dinner in your 30'S, your reading the menu and your husband thinks nothing more than to remove a boogie from your nose. Not just behind closed doors, but in full view. You look around and do a hand slap to stop this going any further but the damage is done. The young couple across the room have seen you and you know they are now having a conversation as to whether they could do that in public too. Young love, you dress up for that kind of stuff. When your winging life though and pop in for a bite because the shopping isn't due until 9am the next day, you don't have time to preen yourself and get dressed up for the occasion. The only time you get to dress up and de boogie yourself is when the sitter has been booked in 4 weeks in advance. You start your preparation of beatifying yourself then, for there is no time for it. NEVER in my life would I have imagined someone would feel it ok to grab my nose in public without giving it a second thought.

I remember the days when I used to take the car out on a Saturday morning, loving the twists and turns that the roads took me along. Today I couldn't be further from the person I was before. Age changed everything.

I get in the car now and trust my life in my husband, again, age, husband. I trust him Immensely but when we are driving in the outside lane of a motorway and a vehicle besides us starts to indicate literally it scares the shit out of me. I let him know too, a array of words start coming out in no particular order. Flashy lights, coming in, what's he doing, watch out, oh fuck.
Passing a lorry, holding onto my breath until its far enough in the distance so it is no longer a hazard. Re checking the mirrors every two seconds for approaching hazards I may have to scream about.
Add fog into this equation and we are completely entering marriage counselling."Can you see the road?" ... " yes I can see the road". How can you see the road when I'm sue I can not see the road" ... " I can't see the road, just didn't want to tell you that" .... " stop the car....".
Another marital dispute is if a car brakes suddenly in front of us... "brake" .... "brake!" Followed by words like " do you want to drive? I can see that the car in front is braking., that's why I am braking too!" .... "you weren't watching the road!"

I just can't help it, it's my age.

I worry, I do, about the safety of my family and that is something I just can't help, it seems to be getting worse with age. To protect what I have because it makes me feel the way I do. I would be lost without any piece of my jigsaw. It's terrifying and irrational but I bet every other mother is the same.

Things I no longer worry about with age though actually puts me in a content stage of life.

For instance had I been 18 and my partner look at a woman I might have felt jealous. Well that part of life is over for I now do not feel that feeling at all. If my husband were to look at a woman and say she was attractive, in a more manly way than that of course, I would just be thinking, thank god his eyesight works and it's not the cost of a new pair of glasses this month.

I worry not of what to wear on a Saturday night because I already know it will either be pj's or a venue where  jeans will be over dressing.

I worry not of what my friends think, because I already know my friends haven't gone time to think.

I worry not of who my husband is talking too, I hope he talks to someone today so the conversation is something other than what is for dinner.

I worry not of what is for dinner because I can clearly see on the meal planner what is.

I worry not of fashion, if it doesn't keep me warm I aint buying it.

I worry not of keeping down the noise, for there is no noise.

I worry not of what to do at the weekend, because those days are for washing cleaning and a walk.
anything else is as exciting as winning the lottery.

I worry not of shavers, socks and deodorant, my husband always has them handy.

I worry not for alarms... my kid is my alarm.

there's just a few of things that used to worry me , but not so more, they all seem insignificant now with age.


You know when you were younger and the older people always used to say, pick your partner wisely, beauty doesn't last forever. I'm totally there right now, and I get it. He will tell you, I will tell you, every day grows a new wrinkle, and a bit less hair. It seems like they counter act each other in mother natures cruel way. Here you go love, have a wrinkle and give me a hair. Unless you are a woman then you get an extra daily hair in places you do not want. We are not what we were when we met and it's not even that long. Time passes and the faces change but the personality within is something I will love forever, it's worth far more than the appreciation of his attributes which will be stolen with time, although I'm sure to me he will always be hot at 70. If not we have the personality to fall back on. We just have to avoid too many long distance car journeys ;-)


Age; Let it change everything, you might even like it .


xx

Another year started.

Another month started.

Another day started.

Another morning started.


Soon another afternoon.


Yet out of all the above we choose to make drastic life changing decisions at just one of these times.
What if YOU were to look at the end of each day and see it from a perspective that  it was the end of a year. What would you do different tomorrow? What would you learn from today. What would you vow to do for your next 24 hours on Earth.

It's a big old task setting yourself up for an annual change. If you sit down and think about this, its like expecting to pole volt without even jumping a fence. A whole new day, a clean slate, every day we get this opportunity. A lot of the time we let yesterdays bad habits  affect today.

We don't do that in a new year. We write it off. Its a complete new page January 1st.

We post an almighty long and meaningful status at the end of a year, evaluating if it's been all we dreamed of , or an all round shit one. It's been good or it's been bad. How can we say it is all good or all bad.
We base our annual decision on what our brains remember, but YOU must remember that your brain brings to the forefront what emotionally makes you imbalanced. Either over excitement, a house move, a new baby, a new job, a new car.... and it also brings to the forefront your worst emotions too, your struggles, your challenge, the people you may have lost, the finical difficulties you have been facing.
This is what our brains file, our emotional imbalances. In the good pile, or the bad pile.

Fact- you use more muscles to frown rather than smile, yet a smile seems much more hard work. Same as thinking positively.

We can not evaluate our years determined on how our brains remember it. The instant gratifications of daily life are overlooked in this process, because we loose it in the paperwork. What about that coffee you actually made with that friend? The time you arrived early instead of late and how it felt, the day you actually drank the water you intended, the gym set you made, the smile you gave when you spoke to a friend. We loose that. We loose that because we expect so much of our lives. We expect so much of our lives because we see facebook telling us how everyone else seems to have the balance right.
No one has this right. No one, because even if someone has it right in their life, that wouldn't be right for yours. How you choose to spend your disposable time and money is down to you , but that wouldn't be how your neighbour chooses to spend it. Money aside, We all only have 24 hours a day to do what makes us fulfilled, you can't be the best tennis player, runner, rugby star, football star, ballerina, best mum, best work college, best reader, blogger,  and best friend too. IT is absolutely impossible.  We do not have to be everything. We do not have to do everything. We do need to feel fulfilled AND fulfilled is the hard part. What makes us feel fulfilled will change after time. Our wants and needs will evolve ... or not and we need to recognise in ourselves how to separate what is and is not important at this stage in life.

That is why at the end of each day, you and I must try to evaluate in the same way we do a each year. We then give ourselves the opportunity to change the bigger picture. What went well today, in my instance, I drank the quota of water I said I would and did not touch a energy drink. I don't feel great but I will persist because I know it's good for me. Not everything that is good for us feels good straight away. We are built to resist change and routine, and the only person who fights this battle is us. What didn't go so great was that I didn't get all done what I wanted to , so I need to look at if I have too much on my task list or if I can manage my time better. This is in my hands to change for tomorrow. If you have already gone off course in your resolution, worry not - tomorrow is a new day.

Evaluate daily so we can summarise the end of year with a true data base of facts, not simply by the memories that stick out the most. We must keep walking, whether the road takes us back from where we came from, sends us right, left or gives us a dead end, we still have options to keep on walking.

keep walking, with that in mind it was something I did yesterday with the dog. Did not go to plan.

As she's like a teenager now things are getting a little more tricky with behavioural issues. Like at Christmas. When she decided to eat a wooden bauble. I have never had to Heimlich a person before, but I feel a little more confident in doing this with dogs now after that episode. As she lay on her back not being able to breath instincts took over. I threw her over my arm and started to pat ( hit) her on the back. A rocking horse head flew out of her mouth, I really loved that vintage bauble but it had no good use in the back of her throat. Shaking I thought, can't believe that just happened she was actually choking on a ornament, thought I might get a cuddle, but no, I got her teeth shown to me in anger. I could not help but think, Ungrateful Bitch.
As she stood there with her teeth out I noticed the rest of the wooden ornament was stuck in her gums and there was no way I was putting my mouth near that hormonal thing. Off to the vets iw go in my pj's for her to be  sedated and removal of the horses arse from her teeth. IF there ever were a story to tell a dog and them understand that would be top of the list. . . Remember the day you went to have a horses arse removed from your mouth. One for the grandkids I suppose.

Back to the walk- As I took her off the lead she ran off all happy... and kept running all happy... and didn't come back. She had me running around screaming her name for 30 minutes. Highly entertaining for her to run as fast as she could, touch me with her paw like tag then run off.. Once she realised she was safe from being caught  she came and stole the poo bag out my hand. This only made me angrier, each time she ran back and tagged me a bits off poo were flicking all up my leg. Again adding to the frustrations of this walk, which is now a run. I started to run away from her. This excited her more. To control the situation I had to hide in a bush and wait for her to find me before I could sumo wrestle her to put her lead back on.
Had this have been happening to anyone else I would have found it highly entertaining, however, it was happening to me , and I'm sure we are guilty of not appreciating the humour in something when we are the butt of the joke.

IF I have a re run of that today, tonight I will be evaluating that me husband can walk the dog indefinitely and that will fix that.

I hope today is a clean slate for you. One in which you can look back on tonight, enjoy the day that has passed and figure out how to be exactly or more so fulfilled with your achievements tomorrow.
Happy New Day. Happy New day. Happy New afternoon.

MRS B