July

Hello :D

It's been a while, this has been in my 'to publish' section for a while. It's not the best blog but i'll bring you up to date with LG.

My handsome man Sam is growing up so fast now, he wants to play chess and monopoly now which is far from his Thomas trains he was mad about last year, he surprises me every day with big words (usually telling me that I am annoying him or that he is frustrated with me...?!?!) He has some great banter because he listens, retains and uses the words in the best situations, like all kids he says what he thinks when he is thinking it, which sometimes is quite embarrassing, For example... we were walking down the street and a girl walks past wearing a lot of makeup and he shouts.. Mummy why does she look like that is she trying to be a clown! (All I can do is smile, look down in shame and try and get to the other side of the road as quick as possible). He loves making and creating things and is 100 percent ready for school. He can say the dinosaur names better than I can in his bedtime stories now and this worries me! The next chapter is going to be great when he is at school. Craft projects still not so great at the moment, fifteen minutes to set the game up , actual two minutes of play before I get, I’m bored now let’s play something else.. You manage to do this three or four times in a day before the funniness wears off and you become quite aggravated by it. If I could buy patience I would certainly be spent out by now! This is something I continue to work on, the Joys of being a parent, challenging yet rewarding!

The first thing I HAVE to talk about is my near death experience;

I am pretty sure it was a normal day in my village and I was running some eons, a man a few weeks ago reversed into my car at a Tesco car park, (I was pulling in and he started to reverse, I papped to let him know I was there, he still reversed, I papped repeatedly... he still reversed .....It wasn't until he saw the lady in the shop window he was perving on pointing and waving her arms that he looked behind him, my car was off the ground on two wheels before he knew what he was doing... men lol. Anyway that is not my near death experience) Mycar had run a flat tyre after this event and I took it to the village to fix it and also ask what the damage was to car. They fixed my wheels with a friendly service (shout out to parkers motors) and told me to head to their other car place across town, so I jumped in my car, tyre fixed and out of nowhere I literally mean nowhere big black clouds came over and hailstones the size of golf balls starting hammering it own in my car. COMPLETE SHOCKER, I didn’t have time to even recognise what was going on or process it, there is no other way to describe how I felt other these three words...... I shit myself. I was next to a white van man who looked at me like his days were over and he lifted his hands in the air as if to say wtf and I thought shit shit shitero he is scared this is really bad, then I couldn't see him anymore, complete visual failure. I was right in the direction of the wind so my instincts were to try and find a side street, it was at this point in my head I was making the decision to drive blind and risk death or to risk death by hailstone, my decision was to take my chances driving blind because quite honestly the golf balls that were flying at my windows were scaring the shit out of me and I would rather try to make an escape rather than await my death. Somehow I managed to get to the nearest side street and I don't know how because my legs were shaking so much I could barely keep them on my pedals and I could not see my windscreen let alone a street! I had my mother instincts kicking in as well wanting me to go 'rescue' Sam but I couldn't move, the preschool constantly busy I was a little panicked to say the least, as soon as I pulled over my dad rang me, must have been father instinct, asking me where I was, I will tell you my proper response " dad, I am in the village I’m scared and I AM GOING TO DIE .. I AM GOING TO DIE BY A HAILSTONE...” I wasn't joking I thought that was it for me, it was like something off the movies, this freak storm, then tiles started flying off the roofs and a hailstone cracked my window so I started screaming 'THIS IS IT DAD, WHAT DO I DO, I LOVE YOU' he suggested that I got in the back of the car and wait it out.. Then I seen the flash flooding start coming down the street and I was screaming 'WHATS GOING ON' ..."DAD AM I GOING TO DIE? "I am 26 years old and still think my dad can predict my future... I thought I would try and save myself some more by unstrapping sams car seat and putting it over my head, It sounds funny now, actually I am in a fit of laughter thinking about it, me in the back of a car with a child seat on my head but I honestly thought that was it for me and I was prepared to do anything to save myself! My dad ends the call to me to ring mum as she was also out and I do the 999 call to Mike.....what bloody use he was, here I was on my final minutes giving him the sos I love you call and he didn’t bloody answer the

phone! I left a traumatising answer machine message to ring back ASAP its SOS. so it passes a little and I what’s ap my best buds checking that everyone is ok which luckily they were and the village was in ciaos, floods everywhere, there was accidents on every road so I nipped into Gails house, a street away from where I had been hiding to have a tea and try and calm my nerves, I could not believe what just happened. I finally made it home an hour later after the first storm and being stuck in the tail end of it too. I can honestly say that is the most fearful of my life I have ever been. Thank god Sam was at nursery and safe, great thing about fb the mums were in contact straight away on their letting everyone know they had contacted them and the kids safe and thought the storm was 'cool' ... COOL?????? pfft mine and their definitions of cool differ for sure!! And when mike decided to return my SOS call, I get it's only a bit of rain... no actually... no it wasn't..... There was a tornado in our city... slight difference! I'm pretty sure most people were as petrified as me (girls anyway). But isn’t this ironic... I was on the way to get my car quoted for the damage that guy did... and my car got written off in the process, every panel of my car is now dented thanks to mother nature and they class it as a write off... Life and its ways hey!

Slight change;

I have moved house! TO cut this down... a lot.... I have been having problems with the landlord fixing my roof since October... march still not sorted then my door wouldn’t lock, after months of constant phone calls, relentless efforts trying to get this guy who lived in Manchester to come and sort out a lot of issues I had with the house it never worked, the damp and mould was becoming so bad me and Sam couldn’t sleep there anymore and we had to stay at my parents. It wasn't until I gave in my notice that the man had the roof fixed the next day and then said, why are you still moving out, I have fixed it? I tend to do this, I am nice, cool calm, collected until I feel like someone has taken the piss and I tend to explode a little, I won't go into too much depth here, My HQ ended up being a not so nice place to live but Kalmar will come at get that man that takes no responsibilities as a landlord. I am unsure why some people have such a negative attitude... anyway in true lg style I walked back to my parents on day and said, I’m home lol, well it was only next door and I was sleeping there most nights anyway! This did add some pressure to my parents and to Mike, I am a  whirlwind... what most people take weeks to do we did in three days and since then we have been playing catch up trying to get organised with it all...

This move tested all of my relationships;

Me and my dad;

My mum and dad worked so hard making sure that things for me would be as 'comfortable as possible' ... Let’s face it having to go back to your parents at 26 is a little degrading anyway, with an annex I am pretty much out the way but there is no denying I have a lot of stuff that needs storing with running businesses from home, had to get organised, I can see why people do this, it’s easy to find, it creates space and generally frees up the brain a little. We have been working on a workshop, and it is great, I love it but one night at 11.40 me and my dad were on the second layer of paint on the walls and me busting out some beach boys kokomo way off tune must have been his final straw, he said, after 26 years it’s a good job he has learnt to tune me out because he is way too tired to listen to that.. I tried to get him to join in the chorus and I think that is what broke him. The paint brush went down and I think it took three cigarettes for him to recover from that comment, I only wanted a sing song but now I know to not talk to people that are tired and exhausted as there is humour failure.

Me and Mike;

after the late night painting I have an early start shifting wardrobes; let this be known DO IT YOURSELF (DIY) is not DIT ( DO IT TEAM .....) teams do not work when it comes to DIY because everyone wants to do it their way.

We have some almightily wardrobes to get upstairs and that task is ok because mikes friend Ben helped with that, cheers Ben, but then we had to get it from one room to another... these were heavy doors and he asked me to move them.. It was taking me ten minutes apiece to move them, trying to EXTRA careful not to his nice walls... and I managed to get them into the room we wanted them in... I was already pissed at this point though because he must have said to me ten times, why don't you do it this way... and I really just didn’t want to do it his way, sure it might have been easier but ...  I wanted to do it my way so I kept saying no (he obviously wasn’t listening because he kept asking me to do it his way even though I said no at least 4 times). His beady eyes kept looking at me disapprovingly, after getting mad I decided to pull it together like any woman would and said ok I am your apprentice... tell me what to do. This was fine when he was giving me specific instructions... like please hold this board that is above my head as if you don't it may fall on my head and hurt... ok... Laura understands... I hold board (simple) what is not so simple is when you are expected to hold a board with not being told and then being shouted at... "WHY ARE YOU NOT HOLDING THAT BOARD...? HOLD THE BOARD HOLD THE BOARD"...arghghghghghghg... girl panic attack , like a rabbit in headlights I get all confused and don't know what I am suppose to be doing!  Agreed if it falls on you it may hurt, yet you did not give me specific instructions and I AM A GIRL.... I DON'T GET THIS MAN SHIT... I explained to him that at my old house blue tact was the answer to everything and this to me is new water so I should be granted a little lei way on this subject...but again he didn’t listen and it got worse, he was getting frustrated that I wasn’t the queen of carpentry and I was becoming pissed off with his male ego attitude, until he said in a angry voice “I’d be better off doing it myself".. At which point I said FINE...( for the records boys fine is never ever fine when the F is pronounced loudly... it should in the dictionary say, Fine=Twat). I unconsciously let go of the piece of wood that was above his head as I said FINE...and it was only my support that was keeping him safe.... whoops... my bad....  he did give me ' A LOOK'. I hate that look...

 DIY a relationship test for sure... I can see why women just leave the men to it! What a traumatising experience... lesson learnt... no more joint efforts at DIY!

Hen night;

Hen night in Liverpool, what an experience, I got to share the night with some great girls! The effort claries’ best friend went to was great, we had beyoncee dancing lessons, and we learnt the single ladies song, party bags, shopping, games, just a whole lot of fun rammed into one weekend.

There is too much to talk about here but this is the highlights of my night;

1.

We walked into a bar to get a drink( standard) but as I turn around claries’ mum had took the microphone off the DJ and stared singing, I m pretty sure in her head at this point she imagined herself to be a very famous pop star, she gave it her all and  we were all supporting her up there! After a few drinks... anything can be possible!

2.
Every time the single ladies songcame on we obviously thought that after a day’s dancing lessons we were professional back up dancers to beyonce I think I even stole a pout from someone.... yet I am not sure we managed to nail down one move correctly, pretty sure we just looked like a group of people let on day release!
3.

The picture opportunities, as I was walking to the toilet with Louise there was a random air fan, so I embraced it, switched it on, told her she should use the random umbrella as a prop and it will be a scene from Greece... then a random person also joined the picture, highly amusing whilst drunk, I am not sure why so it must have been 'you had to be there' moment.

4.

 I had taken out some signs that had quotes from songs wrote on pieces of paper and the best one is when a guy tried to talk to me and I pulled out the lets all do the conga one.. and we started a conga through the bars of Liverpool, a big line we got going, it was great fun, and I was very pleased about this whilst drunk and decided to give Claire a hug to share the excitement, big mistake I was in a lace top and she was in a dress that had broach like ornaments on (very pretty she looked like a princess) and we got stuck together.. And because we were drunk we couldn't get unstuck!

5.

 Louise, claries’ and Amy’s combined dance moves made me giggle and they were in sequence too, someone even developed a Jamaican accent which I have n idea why it went from Jamaican to Irish but again when your drunken things like this are highly entertaining!  Great night!

 So the hotel we stopped at is by far the poshest hotel I have ever been to in the UK it had a grand piano in the reception! Very classy! What is not so classy... is me... after a night out, I thought it was going to be a hospital trip hangover, I was sick from the moment I got up until 8pm at night, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t drink, I couldn’t even stand up! Amy you are an angel! the girl I shared a room with had to pack my bag for me, ( actually felt like a child) she looked after me and I think even carried some bags too as my hands were being used to support my head that felt like it was falling off! We get to reception and we have to do the whole check out service thing which is the worst thing ever with a hangover... I couldn’t manage it, I layed down on the marble floor in the same room as the grand piano just wanting the world to swallow me up... there must have been fifty people in that reception room and I looked like I was knocking on deaths door, a big pile of human mess over the posh hotel floor, I pulled my coat over my head and thought I wish I was Dorothy right now if I click my heels together and say there is no place home I wonder if I can be exported... no such luck....Claire even said to me, your green! At this point I didn’t care if I was purple, blue, pink or yellow I just wanted to concentrate on keeping my organs going. After the reception check out I managed to make it out the door before I was sick again then I realised I’m never going to make it to the car, so Claire had to stay with me when I was in the gutter... when I say in the gutter I mean it literally, fully in it.  I'm in Liverpool, Its 10am on a Sunday and a random stranger walked past me with no teeth, quite dirty and smelly and said Jesus, are you ok, you don’t look well... I am pretty sure that this had been one of my most undignified moments! I slept the whole way home which must have been a drag for Amy because I wasn’t smelling or looking fresh, so a massive thanks again for rescuing me!

Putting it down to Age; not being able to party like I used to I feel there is a reason why people become more 'boring' as they get older. I cannot handle it now, two glasses of wine and I am like that I think the only way for me to go now is tea total but I think I may miss the alter ego a little!

That’s the story I will leave you with, another example of the effects of alcohol.

 Its October now, working on my next blog to catch up! Can't wait to write my next one: D

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